Mark Twain once said, "golf is a good walk spoiled". That should be an "enough said" kind-of statement, but I have a brilliant way of looking at life, and I am sure you are all shocked to hear that I have more to say on the matter.
Just the word, "golf", is unpleasant. It sounds like you have something caught in your throat and you are trying to get it out, but you happen to be attending the company Christmas cocktail party, (VERY shee-shee), and you can't really start hacking it out, so you very-discreetly try to gag it out. "Golf, golf gaw,gaw, gawlfffff". Finally, you spew it out and as it flies across the room someone yells, "fore!". You know I'm right.
Mainly though, this is a "sport" where even the greatest player in the world, isn't good enough. Think about it! People pay good money, to spend the day making themselves feel inadequate. Oh sure, they might have a good shot here and there, but overall, you are NEVER good enough. Why put yourself through that? Maybe, its because as good as golf is at making you feel like a looser, it's better than being with your significant other? So, now you have TWO things making you feel inadequate. THAT'S brilliant! .....I don't know, I don't think I will ever understand the fascination.
I do, however, respect golf. I mean, I GET how hard it is to get that stupid ball to go in a straight line, from point A to point B, and to do it by hitting the thing with a weird club-thing. I GET it. I just don't know what the point is. Why do this? Because it's a chance to get outside and enjoy the day? Ok, but is it a FUN way to get outside and enjoy the day?.... I think I covered THAT in the previous paragraph. So, why? I don't know. I don't think I will ever understand the fascination.
Maybe it's some sort of sick twisted need to make yourself feel bad. A punishment, of sorts. Life is going too good for you, so you go out there and try to "miserable-it up". All I can say is that I think Mark Twain had a good point. Why ruin the walk? I would rather have a nice stroll, hand in hand with the one I love. THAT would be nice. Much nicer than playing a game whose name sounds like my cat hacking up a hairball.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Happy New Year!
When the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, people all over the world cheer and wish each other a Happy New Year. Normally, New Years is a a ho-hum kind of thing for me. What's the big deal? It is just another day, another year. However, I am actually a little excited about the year to come. THIS new year, is really NEW!! I am excited for it, I don't know why, but I am!
Maybe it's because when I see the number 2011, I like it. I get good joo-joo from 2011. I think its because I like odd numbers, and also because when you add 20+11 it equals 31, and I am fascinated by prime numbers. However, that is a little quirk of mine that kind-of tends to cause people to back away slowly and never talk to me again, so I will stop now.
Maybe it's because it's wide open to me. In previous years I have pretty-much known what was coming. Most of it had been planned out for me. It was just more of the same. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I was just sitting there waiting for everyone to buckle up, and as I looked around I would say to myself, "what the heck am I thinking? What am I DOING here? Am I seriously going to go around this stupid thing again?!!", and I would think that THIS time I was going to get off, but the cars would start to move, and I knew that I was too late, so I just hung on and tried to enjoy the ride,... again. Well, I finally got off that roller coaster. This year,..... this year is unwritten. This year is the year I can blaze my own trail! I am the captain of my own ship! I am master of my own domain!! (I am!) I am woman! Hear me roar! .... Ok, now I have managed to scare myself, but you know what I mean!! I HAVE been on that ride, I have been riding shot gun. I want to drive now. I'm the driver!! Get out of my way!! WOO HOO!!!!
Maybe its because I'm happy. I have never felt more alive. The freedom I feel is one that I have never felt before. I can be me, and not be ridiculed for it. I have actually spoken my mind a couple of times, and the world didn't come to an end. I have found out that I can be funny at times. I actually have my own opinions and have actually stated them!! WHO KNEW?!!! I feel like William Wallace, when he cried out "FREEEDOM!!!!"
So, this New Year I wish you all the very best. May you have a great, prosperous year! And to all my girl friends, I leave you with the words of wisdom from Benjamin Franklin:
"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man"
Maybe it's because when I see the number 2011, I like it. I get good joo-joo from 2011. I think its because I like odd numbers, and also because when you add 20+11 it equals 31, and I am fascinated by prime numbers. However, that is a little quirk of mine that kind-of tends to cause people to back away slowly and never talk to me again, so I will stop now.
Maybe it's because it's wide open to me. In previous years I have pretty-much known what was coming. Most of it had been planned out for me. It was just more of the same. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I was just sitting there waiting for everyone to buckle up, and as I looked around I would say to myself, "what the heck am I thinking? What am I DOING here? Am I seriously going to go around this stupid thing again?!!", and I would think that THIS time I was going to get off, but the cars would start to move, and I knew that I was too late, so I just hung on and tried to enjoy the ride,... again. Well, I finally got off that roller coaster. This year,..... this year is unwritten. This year is the year I can blaze my own trail! I am the captain of my own ship! I am master of my own domain!! (I am!) I am woman! Hear me roar! .... Ok, now I have managed to scare myself, but you know what I mean!! I HAVE been on that ride, I have been riding shot gun. I want to drive now. I'm the driver!! Get out of my way!! WOO HOO!!!!
Maybe its because I'm happy. I have never felt more alive. The freedom I feel is one that I have never felt before. I can be me, and not be ridiculed for it. I have actually spoken my mind a couple of times, and the world didn't come to an end. I have found out that I can be funny at times. I actually have my own opinions and have actually stated them!! WHO KNEW?!!! I feel like William Wallace, when he cried out "FREEEDOM!!!!"
So, this New Year I wish you all the very best. May you have a great, prosperous year! And to all my girl friends, I leave you with the words of wisdom from Benjamin Franklin:
"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man"
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Build Me a Catapult!
If I had a dollar for everytime I heard THAT phrase,.... I'd have one dollar. Anyway, when my son said this to me, I wasn't sure what to do. First I thought, I am never letting him watch "Mythbusters" again! Especially the "Pumkin Chunkin'" special. That aside, I now had an 8 year-old boy asking me to make him a catapult. So, how DOES one build a catapult?
First, I needed to find just the right tool for the job. The tool I had in mind is a tool that has been indispensable throughout the 20th century and is still essential in any modern-day tool box. Duct tape. Having found THAT, I knew that the rest of this project would be a piece of cake. I got a gift-wrap-like tube,--left over from the "Build Me a Rocket" project-- and taped a plastic salad "spork" (the kind you get from, say, a Costco salad) onto one end of it. This was to hold the projectile. On the other end, I duct-taped a plastic grocery bag, into which you could put the "weight" (rocks) used in flinging the projectile. The projectile was, of course, a balled-up bunch of duct tape, about the size of a golf ball.
So, the way it was supposed to work was that you put the contraption on a stool, put the projectile on the spork, drop the weight, and voila! You have CATAPULT!!! However, before I could see how it worked, I got a phone call. I told my son to try the catapult, and that when I was done, I would be back to fix any problems that may have arisen during my absense. So, when I was finished with my phone call, I went back to see how this great example of mechanical ingenuity was faring, and this is what I found. I just happened to video-tape it, so you can all see how well it worked.
Enjoy:
First, I needed to find just the right tool for the job. The tool I had in mind is a tool that has been indispensable throughout the 20th century and is still essential in any modern-day tool box. Duct tape. Having found THAT, I knew that the rest of this project would be a piece of cake. I got a gift-wrap-like tube,--left over from the "Build Me a Rocket" project-- and taped a plastic salad "spork" (the kind you get from, say, a Costco salad) onto one end of it. This was to hold the projectile. On the other end, I duct-taped a plastic grocery bag, into which you could put the "weight" (rocks) used in flinging the projectile. The projectile was, of course, a balled-up bunch of duct tape, about the size of a golf ball.
So, the way it was supposed to work was that you put the contraption on a stool, put the projectile on the spork, drop the weight, and voila! You have CATAPULT!!! However, before I could see how it worked, I got a phone call. I told my son to try the catapult, and that when I was done, I would be back to fix any problems that may have arisen during my absense. So, when I was finished with my phone call, I went back to see how this great example of mechanical ingenuity was faring, and this is what I found. I just happened to video-tape it, so you can all see how well it worked.
Enjoy:
Monday, December 13, 2010
You Don't Know ME!
- I hate ketchup. Not only will I not eat it, I can't bear the thought of touching it. I would rather throw the plate away, than clean off the ketchup from it. I REALLY hate ketchup.
- I'm not too crazy about spiders either.
- Wind storms scare me.
- Betray me once, too bad for you. I would have been a great friend to have.
- I'd rather be hurt by the truth, than be lied too. I tend to find out the truth sooner or later, so just tell me up front and I can normally work through it. It's the secrecy that gets me, not the subject of the lie.
- I believe in romance, and that there are still real gentlemen out there....somewhere.
- I believe that there is more evidence that big foot is real, than that global warming is man-caused, or that exists at all.
- I don't care if you agree with me or not. I can still like you. Can you still like me?
- I believe that if God didn't want me to dance, he should not have made me Puerto Rican.
- I don't have a problem with a drink here and there. Smoking though, is nasty.
- I am actually very shy, I ACT like I'm confident, and outgoing. Hand me the Emmy.
- I have a weakness for Coach purses. *sigh* They make me smile.
- I am scared of water. Pools are ok, beaches and lakes..... not so much. But jetskiing is awesome!
- Although I think NIN has a place in everyone's music library (although not my kids'), I believe that "Handel's Messiah" is the greatest piece of music ever written.
- I also love anything Gilbert and Sullivan.... and Guns' and Roses....
- I have a REALLY hard time understanding the English accent. ENUNCIATE PEOPLE!!!
- I remember clearly the day Elvis died. I was playing outside, when my Mom called me up to the house and said, "Elvis died". And I said, "who's Elvis"?
- I think I had the greatest childhood ever.
- Remember when Madonna could sing? Yeah, I can't either.
- Was that mean? Sorry.
- I believe that Eve was not tempted by an apple. It had to be an Avocado. Why would anyone damn the world for an apple?
- I'm not too crazy about spiders either.
- Wind storms scare me.
- Betray me once, too bad for you. I would have been a great friend to have.
- I'd rather be hurt by the truth, than be lied too. I tend to find out the truth sooner or later, so just tell me up front and I can normally work through it. It's the secrecy that gets me, not the subject of the lie.
- I believe in romance, and that there are still real gentlemen out there....somewhere.
- I believe that there is more evidence that big foot is real, than that global warming is man-caused, or that exists at all.
- I don't care if you agree with me or not. I can still like you. Can you still like me?
- I believe that if God didn't want me to dance, he should not have made me Puerto Rican.
- I don't have a problem with a drink here and there. Smoking though, is nasty.
- I am actually very shy, I ACT like I'm confident, and outgoing. Hand me the Emmy.
- I have a weakness for Coach purses. *sigh* They make me smile.
- I am scared of water. Pools are ok, beaches and lakes..... not so much. But jetskiing is awesome!
- Although I think NIN has a place in everyone's music library (although not my kids'), I believe that "Handel's Messiah" is the greatest piece of music ever written.
- I also love anything Gilbert and Sullivan.... and Guns' and Roses....
- I have a REALLY hard time understanding the English accent. ENUNCIATE PEOPLE!!!
- I remember clearly the day Elvis died. I was playing outside, when my Mom called me up to the house and said, "Elvis died". And I said, "who's Elvis"?
- I think I had the greatest childhood ever.
- Remember when Madonna could sing? Yeah, I can't either.
- Was that mean? Sorry.
- I believe that Eve was not tempted by an apple. It had to be an Avocado. Why would anyone damn the world for an apple?
Christmas 2013
I have noticed that really big, really special, moments occur every 4 years. The Olympics, for example. They are so special, that they are divided into two, winter and summer, but still, it's every four years. The presidential elections, are every four years. You can't forget that "leap" year is every four years- you KNOW how special THAT one is! And the Super Bowl,... wait, hmmm,... not so special, it's only once a year, BUT, the World Cup of Soccer is every four years-- Yes, it's THAT special, ...soccer haters!
Anyway, I think that Christmas should be just as special. I think we ought to change the yearly celebration to an- every four years- event! Think of it! The stress that is Christmas, delegated to a- once every four years- extravaganza! Imagine the celebration it would be! All the mundane Christmas traditions, would be super-specialized! Those cookies you only make at Christmas time --because they are, pretty-much, a stick of butter with powdered sugar mushed into it, and we would all die of heart failure if we made them year-round -- would become even more extra-super-special, if you only made them once every four years!! With the emergence of Facebook and email, how often do you REALLY need to send out Christmas cards? I say, once every four years is plenty!
Don't get me wrong, I have always loved Christmas. I was that person who put up the tree on the day after Thanksgiving and took it down the day after Three Kings Day (look it up, gringos!!). I loved decorating the house, and Christmas music was on 24/7. But, in the last couple of years, it has just become a chore. I don't know exactly what it was. Perhaps it was the realization that my kids weren't into Barbies anymore. Now all they want is money, or an itunes gift card, oh,.. and the newest, most expensive-gotta have it-tech toy. Perhaps it was the economic down-turn that put a serious crimp in the budget, making it impossible to get them that newest, most expensive-gotta have it-tech toy. Still, if it were every four years, you could save-up for those things, and it would be SPECIAL, because they got it for Christmas--which would come around only once every four years!
Im just sayin', there are plenty of other holidays where gifts can be given, or received. What say you? Let's make Christmas super-special! As super-special as the World Cup! Let's just skip it this year, and do it again in 2013?! Who's with me?!
Anyway, I think that Christmas should be just as special. I think we ought to change the yearly celebration to an- every four years- event! Think of it! The stress that is Christmas, delegated to a- once every four years- extravaganza! Imagine the celebration it would be! All the mundane Christmas traditions, would be super-specialized! Those cookies you only make at Christmas time --because they are, pretty-much, a stick of butter with powdered sugar mushed into it, and we would all die of heart failure if we made them year-round -- would become even more extra-super-special, if you only made them once every four years!! With the emergence of Facebook and email, how often do you REALLY need to send out Christmas cards? I say, once every four years is plenty!
Don't get me wrong, I have always loved Christmas. I was that person who put up the tree on the day after Thanksgiving and took it down the day after Three Kings Day (look it up, gringos!!). I loved decorating the house, and Christmas music was on 24/7. But, in the last couple of years, it has just become a chore. I don't know exactly what it was. Perhaps it was the realization that my kids weren't into Barbies anymore. Now all they want is money, or an itunes gift card, oh,.. and the newest, most expensive-gotta have it-tech toy. Perhaps it was the economic down-turn that put a serious crimp in the budget, making it impossible to get them that newest, most expensive-gotta have it-tech toy. Still, if it were every four years, you could save-up for those things, and it would be SPECIAL, because they got it for Christmas--which would come around only once every four years!
Im just sayin', there are plenty of other holidays where gifts can be given, or received. What say you? Let's make Christmas super-special! As super-special as the World Cup! Let's just skip it this year, and do it again in 2013?! Who's with me?!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Don't Ignore Your Instncts
Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we’re closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting hurt.
But what if you realize you can't even trust yourself? Things you believed to be true, aren't. You find out that people you trusted implicitly have lied to you? How do you turn off your instincts when they are screaming at you that something's not right? I'll have to get back to you on that one.
But what if you realize you can't even trust yourself? Things you believed to be true, aren't. You find out that people you trusted implicitly have lied to you? How do you turn off your instincts when they are screaming at you that something's not right? I'll have to get back to you on that one.
Monday, December 6, 2010
NOW You Can Go
You know how you have those days when you just don't want to do anything? When you just say, "forget it! I'm not doing squat today!". I hate those days. There is so much to do, but as the saying goes, "my get-up-and-go, done got up and went"? Well, I think I found a way to conquer this problem. This is my story.
You see, it was Thanksgiving eve morning. The kids' school was cancelled because of snow, which meant I really had no reason to be up by any particular time. So, I ended up dragging myself out of bed at the crack of noon, thinking, "wow, I can't believe it's noon!". Unfortunately, the lazy start of the morning, set a bad precedence for the rest of the day.
I ended up making my way downstairs, and when I got there, I thought, "I should really clean-up a little". As I surveyed the area, I realized that, in addition to picking-up, it needed to be vacuumed. Then, I remembered that the vacuum was upstairs (why IS that? Everytime you need the vaccum, it's on the opposite floor? Perhaps I'll save that one for another post..stay tuned!). Well, no rational-thinking person would start cleaning-up without a vacuum, THAT would be silly! I decided to just wait until I had something better to do upstairs, and just grab the vacuum then! As I thought about it, I realized that I really HAD nothing better to do upstairs, so I just sat on the living room couch and watched some TV.
In no time at all, I realized it was 4pm-ish. I decided it was time to go upstairs and get dressed (whuut???--like YOU'VE never stayed in PJ's all day?!) . I slowly made my way up,(sitting on the couch can really tire you out!), and noticed the vaccuum sittting at the top of the stairs. I then reminded myself, "I need to remember to take that with me when I go back down". So, I got dressed, and noticed my bed needed to be made, so, of course, I got on it, and snuggled in, for a little more TV watching. Now, it wasn't like I was enjoying it! oh.... no! I was sitting there giving myself a good talking-to about how I should get my butt up and get to cleaning, so it wasn't THAT relaxing!
Finally, after the berating I gave myself, I got up to get dinner started. So, I made my way back downstairs. As I was trying to magically make dinner appear, I realized that I never grabbed the vacuum on my way down!! Darn it! I guess the cleaning would have to wait. Dinner got made. After a fine feast of frozen pizza, it was time for me to finally sit down and relax.
In no time at all, it became 8pm. 8pm??! How did THAT happen? geez! It's almost bed time and I still had to clean-up the downstairs! It really wasn't THAT bad!! I thought it should take me about 45 minutes to pick-up,.... an hour - tops!! Ok, ok,..... I made the commitment to get started,.... but first, I had to use the bathroom.
As I got up to go to the bathroom, I instinctively re-adjusted the couch cushions and throw-pillows, then proceeded to my destination--when I stopped myself,.....did I REALLY have to "go", or just kind-of had to "go"? I thought about it, and decided I could actually wait a little, so I continued picking-up the living room, .... and the vacuum was still upstairs!! Wow! So, as I was cleaning, I began to really feel the effects of all the water and diet coke I had consumed throughout the day. It was then that I noticed, that the longer I waited to "go", the faster I cleaned! That's when I made the decree...., "I will NOT use the bathroom until the downstairs is picked-up!!"
I got it all done in record time!! I picked-up, dusted, AND vacuumed!! Yes! I actually went upstairs and got the vacuum without any additional motive!! I was able to do, what I had been putting off doing all day long, in 30 minutes flat! It's amazing what you can do when you really have to "go"!
So, next time you find yourself with no "get-up-and-go", and you REALLY have to get stuff done, take this thought to heart: "dont get-up-and-"go", until you're done". It really works!! Try it!!
You see, it was Thanksgiving eve morning. The kids' school was cancelled because of snow, which meant I really had no reason to be up by any particular time. So, I ended up dragging myself out of bed at the crack of noon, thinking, "wow, I can't believe it's noon!". Unfortunately, the lazy start of the morning, set a bad precedence for the rest of the day.
I ended up making my way downstairs, and when I got there, I thought, "I should really clean-up a little". As I surveyed the area, I realized that, in addition to picking-up, it needed to be vacuumed. Then, I remembered that the vacuum was upstairs (why IS that? Everytime you need the vaccum, it's on the opposite floor? Perhaps I'll save that one for another post..stay tuned!). Well, no rational-thinking person would start cleaning-up without a vacuum, THAT would be silly! I decided to just wait until I had something better to do upstairs, and just grab the vacuum then! As I thought about it, I realized that I really HAD nothing better to do upstairs, so I just sat on the living room couch and watched some TV.
In no time at all, I realized it was 4pm-ish. I decided it was time to go upstairs and get dressed (whuut???--like YOU'VE never stayed in PJ's all day?!) . I slowly made my way up,(sitting on the couch can really tire you out!), and noticed the vaccuum sittting at the top of the stairs. I then reminded myself, "I need to remember to take that with me when I go back down". So, I got dressed, and noticed my bed needed to be made, so, of course, I got on it, and snuggled in, for a little more TV watching. Now, it wasn't like I was enjoying it! oh.... no! I was sitting there giving myself a good talking-to about how I should get my butt up and get to cleaning, so it wasn't THAT relaxing!
Finally, after the berating I gave myself, I got up to get dinner started. So, I made my way back downstairs. As I was trying to magically make dinner appear, I realized that I never grabbed the vacuum on my way down!! Darn it! I guess the cleaning would have to wait. Dinner got made. After a fine feast of frozen pizza, it was time for me to finally sit down and relax.
In no time at all, it became 8pm. 8pm??! How did THAT happen? geez! It's almost bed time and I still had to clean-up the downstairs! It really wasn't THAT bad!! I thought it should take me about 45 minutes to pick-up,.... an hour - tops!! Ok, ok,..... I made the commitment to get started,.... but first, I had to use the bathroom.
As I got up to go to the bathroom, I instinctively re-adjusted the couch cushions and throw-pillows, then proceeded to my destination--when I stopped myself,.....did I REALLY have to "go", or just kind-of had to "go"? I thought about it, and decided I could actually wait a little, so I continued picking-up the living room, .... and the vacuum was still upstairs!! Wow! So, as I was cleaning, I began to really feel the effects of all the water and diet coke I had consumed throughout the day. It was then that I noticed, that the longer I waited to "go", the faster I cleaned! That's when I made the decree...., "I will NOT use the bathroom until the downstairs is picked-up!!"
I got it all done in record time!! I picked-up, dusted, AND vacuumed!! Yes! I actually went upstairs and got the vacuum without any additional motive!! I was able to do, what I had been putting off doing all day long, in 30 minutes flat! It's amazing what you can do when you really have to "go"!
So, next time you find yourself with no "get-up-and-go", and you REALLY have to get stuff done, take this thought to heart: "dont get-up-and-"go", until you're done". It really works!! Try it!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Weather Report: The Great Blizzard of November 2010
I didn't realize I could post videos! So, for those of you who STILL don't have Facebook. This will be a real treat!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
I'm OK
My daughter is 18. She is an, over-all, good kid. She is a freshman at the local community college and is doing well there. I am very proud of her.
HOWEVER, she has this little quirk that is just, so cute- sometimes. When she hurts herself, she will SCREAM bloody murder, no matter how much it hurts. For example, if she stubs her toe, she will SCREAM!, then pause, then say, "oh,.. I'm OK". So, anytime I hear her scream out, in sheer agony, I don't go running. I just stop what I'm doing, and listen for the, "I'm OK!" which, inevitably ALWAYS follows.
CUT TO: This morning, 10am, PICTURE ME, DRIVING ON A FREEWAY.
I am out running errands. At this time, I am in a nearby town about 10 miles away from home. When I get the call.
SFX: car phone rings
ME: hello?
DAUGHTER: (Speaking loud, fast, and in the high-pitched voice, she uses when she stubs her toe) WE HAVE MANTIS!!!!!!!!
ME: what?
(I'm thinking, "what?")
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast and high-pitched, toe-stubbing voice) THERE'S A MANTIS SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!
ME: what?!
(now I'm thinking, WTH?"--- where's the "I'm ok"??)
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe-stubbing-- but at least she's TRYING to make herself understood-at least, she THINKS she is) THERE'S A MANTIS ALL AROUND OUR TOWN, COVERED IN SNOW!!!
ME: what?!
(So,.... I'm not sure what to think. At first, I think of the old Japanese movies where the bug gets zapped with radiation and is now bigger than all the buildings, and is going to eat the town! I quickly determine that THAT would be stupid.)
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe stub - but now she sounds almost irritated with me because, I don't seem to understand what she's talking about) MANTIS! ...SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!
ME: WHAT???????!!!!!!
(Now, I'm thinking, "crap!! How much do psychologists cost these days?!" But then I relax and think, "oh, maybe she's just high- we ARE close to the town known as the "Meth Capital of the World".... but,.. DARN IT!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR HER BRACES!!....AND WHERE'S THE, "I'M OK"!!!)
DAUGHTER: (FINALLY!! slows down, and speaks in a more normalized tone and volume...) TSK!!! I saaaaid,-- There- are- mountains- surrounding- our- town!!!
ME: (pausing) Mountains?!!! ....... You are JUST now noticing the mountians?!?!!
(my mind is blank)
DAUGHTER: YES!!!! Did YOU know we have mountains that surround our town?!?!?
ME: Yes, yes I did. They've been there since we moved here,.... 6 YEARS AGO!!!!!
(I'm not sure WHAT to think)
DAUGHTER: Well, ....where did they come from?!?
ME: Ummmm .... I have to go. Love you, bye!!
(My mind is again, blank)
DAUGHTER: But.............
SFX: phone hanging up
So, although I'm happy that there is no huge bug attacking our town, I am a little concerned that she is JUST now, noticing the mountains that surround our town..... I REALLY hope I get the "I'm OK" soon!!
HOWEVER, she has this little quirk that is just, so cute- sometimes. When she hurts herself, she will SCREAM bloody murder, no matter how much it hurts. For example, if she stubs her toe, she will SCREAM!, then pause, then say, "oh,.. I'm OK". So, anytime I hear her scream out, in sheer agony, I don't go running. I just stop what I'm doing, and listen for the, "I'm OK!" which, inevitably ALWAYS follows.
CUT TO: This morning, 10am, PICTURE ME, DRIVING ON A FREEWAY.
I am out running errands. At this time, I am in a nearby town about 10 miles away from home. When I get the call.
SFX: car phone rings
ME: hello?
DAUGHTER: (Speaking loud, fast, and in the high-pitched voice, she uses when she stubs her toe) WE HAVE MANTIS!!!!!!!!
ME: what?
(I'm thinking, "what?")
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast and high-pitched, toe-stubbing voice) THERE'S A MANTIS SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!
ME: what?!
(now I'm thinking, WTH?"--- where's the "I'm ok"??)
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe-stubbing-- but at least she's TRYING to make herself understood-at least, she THINKS she is) THERE'S A MANTIS ALL AROUND OUR TOWN, COVERED IN SNOW!!!
ME: what?!
(So,.... I'm not sure what to think. At first, I think of the old Japanese movies where the bug gets zapped with radiation and is now bigger than all the buildings, and is going to eat the town! I quickly determine that THAT would be stupid.)
DAUGHTER: (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe stub - but now she sounds almost irritated with me because, I don't seem to understand what she's talking about) MANTIS! ...SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!
ME: WHAT???????!!!!!!
(Now, I'm thinking, "crap!! How much do psychologists cost these days?!" But then I relax and think, "oh, maybe she's just high- we ARE close to the town known as the "Meth Capital of the World".... but,.. DARN IT!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR HER BRACES!!....AND WHERE'S THE, "I'M OK"!!!)
DAUGHTER: (FINALLY!! slows down, and speaks in a more normalized tone and volume...) TSK!!! I saaaaid,-- There- are- mountains- surrounding- our- town!!!
ME: (pausing) Mountains?!!! ....... You are JUST now noticing the mountians?!?!!
(my mind is blank)
DAUGHTER: YES!!!! Did YOU know we have mountains that surround our town?!?!?
ME: Yes, yes I did. They've been there since we moved here,.... 6 YEARS AGO!!!!!
(I'm not sure WHAT to think)
DAUGHTER: Well, ....where did they come from?!?
ME: Ummmm .... I have to go. Love you, bye!!
(My mind is again, blank)
DAUGHTER: But.............
SFX: phone hanging up
So, although I'm happy that there is no huge bug attacking our town, I am a little concerned that she is JUST now, noticing the mountains that surround our town..... I REALLY hope I get the "I'm OK" soon!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
46?!
You know it's going to be "one of those days" when one of the first thoughts you have when you wake up is, "I probably should have gotten up about 2 hours ago". So, I get up and run around getting my son ready for school. Wondering, "how the heck do all the other Moms do it?!". Finally, we are off to school, he gets there late-again-but he is there, and I am off and ready to get on to the rest of my crazy day. As I'm headed off down the coutry roads into town, I see the dreaded lights in my rear view mirror. Really? now? today? Why didn't you catch me yesterday, when I was only a LITTLE busy? So, I pull over. I see the cop walking up to my window, (hands on the wheel, hands on the wheel!!). As I look at him, I realize I have seen this guy before. He was at my gym a couple times. He offered to spot me once when I put a little too much weight on the bar-bell. We talked for a little- I thought he was a fireman, when in the conversation he mentioned he was a cop, I politely walked away.
Cop- Hi,
Me- Hi ( I smile.)
Cop - (smiling back) Do you know that the speed limit on this road is 35?
Me-(still smiling) I always thought is was 40....
Cop - Then why were you going 46?
Me -(smiling) Are you sure?! 46?! ....huh. I must have some really important things to do today..... (smile-smile smile!!)
Cop - (nodding his head, smiling) I guess so. .....license, registration and proof of insurance?
Me - (I get the stuff and he looks at it, then me, -SMILE!- then he hands it all back to me) Don't you go to the gym? I think I spotted you once,... you thought I was a firefighter?
Me - (crap!) OH!.... yeah!!.... I've seen you there before! how are you? What are you bench pressing these days? (too obvious?)
Cop - (smiling, like he's onto my "change the subject" diversion...) Im just fine, thank you. (sarcasm?) Listen, you should probably slow it down on this road.
Me - Yeah, yeah.... I know..it's just that it's down hill.. and there's no one around and..( I look a him--he's shaking his head--NOT GOOD!!) ........yeah....ok... right, SLOOOOOWER.....
Cop - yes, slow down.
Me - yeah, ok......
Cop- I'll see you around,... have a good day. (then he walks back to his car)
So, I'm sitting there, thinking he's coming back with a ticket- and he just drives off, waving as he passes me. I wave back awkwardly. No ticket? YESSSSS!!! SWEEET!!! Now, I'm really late, but I don't want to push my luck, so I got my radar detector out of the glove box and set it up on the dash. I'm not crazy though - I do slow down to at least 38! I then resume my crazy day. Which, although will be busy,- anytime you get out of a speeding ticket has to mean it will be a good day! SO BRING IT THURSDAY!!! You can't beat me!!
Monday, November 15, 2010
I Have No Skills
As I sit down to write my resume,
I try to think of words to say.
I have no skills, nothing to show,
no one would hire me, of this I'm sure.
I've done nothing with my life,
but be a business owner, mom and wife.
What have I done in all these years,
to help me land a new career?
I think and think, come up with nothing.
I try in vain to think of something.
I had a real job at one time.
I worked everyday from 9 to 5.
Airlines, hotels, car rentals I booked
"you got a flight?", well, let me look.
But all that changed when I had my daughter,
Decided to work for myself, not another.
So work, work I did without hesitation,
I worked for her future, without much vacation.
The years came and went, with life much fullfilled.
I ran all my companies, even unskilled.
As so often happens, life stopped me dead.
My neatly-planned future got turned on its head.
Companies folded, marriage dissolved,
I find myself left, with nothing at all.
And so as I sit and I try to recall,
I guess I did nothing,.. nothing at all.
All that I've done, really quite a bore,
is everyday stuff, that one wouldn't care for.
Ive gotten the kids ready for school,
they've gotten there on time-cool!
I've then gone into my shop,
and been the one to do it all.
I answered phones and kept customers happy,
the books, the office, the warehouse,.. all snappy.
I organized deliveries, made sure they're on time.
and all special orders were all in a line.
And most times I actually made a delivery or two,
the ones that our driver was just too busy to do.
And on certain days, between certain stops,
I would have to go visit with my daughter's doc.
She has cancer, they say, diagnosed at three.
and on certain days, she has chomotherapy.
Then when she's done, I resume my run,
and hope that my daughter can just hang on.
"Try not to throw up, honey, mommy's almost done!
pretty soon we'll be going home!"
Finally, the work day is all but over,
I head back to school to pick up my other daughter.
Then off to get groceries, gas, or whatever,
any errands that didn't get done any earlier.
Of course, once home the day is not over,
the cleaning, the cooking the laundry and more,
the garbage, the mowing, the landscaping,...all chores.
I did my best to do them all, and I did them, with no help at all.
but time after time, night time would fall.
I'd crawl into bed, exhausted,... "amen!"
Only to wake, get up, and start it all over again.
So, in all these years, I've done nothing at all,
I have no real skills on which now to draw.
I've just been a business owner, wife, and a mom.
So, why hire me, when I have no skills?
Because, it turns out, I have a a strong will.
You give me a task, and it will get done.
I am my very own Army of one.
The task will probably not, to me, be new,
It's something I already know how to do.
But, if I don't know how to do it, I'll ask,
Just tell me once, I do learn fast.
So as I sit down to write my resume,
and I think of all the words I need to say.
I have many skills of which to choose,
How many pages can I use?
I try to think of words to say.
I have no skills, nothing to show,
no one would hire me, of this I'm sure.
I've done nothing with my life,
but be a business owner, mom and wife.
What have I done in all these years,
to help me land a new career?
I think and think, come up with nothing.
I try in vain to think of something.
I had a real job at one time.
I worked everyday from 9 to 5.
Airlines, hotels, car rentals I booked
"you got a flight?", well, let me look.
But all that changed when I had my daughter,
Decided to work for myself, not another.
So work, work I did without hesitation,
I worked for her future, without much vacation.
The years came and went, with life much fullfilled.
I ran all my companies, even unskilled.
As so often happens, life stopped me dead.
My neatly-planned future got turned on its head.
Companies folded, marriage dissolved,
I find myself left, with nothing at all.
And so as I sit and I try to recall,
I guess I did nothing,.. nothing at all.
All that I've done, really quite a bore,
is everyday stuff, that one wouldn't care for.
Ive gotten the kids ready for school,
they've gotten there on time-cool!
I've then gone into my shop,
and been the one to do it all.
I answered phones and kept customers happy,
the books, the office, the warehouse,.. all snappy.
I organized deliveries, made sure they're on time.
and all special orders were all in a line.
And most times I actually made a delivery or two,
the ones that our driver was just too busy to do.
And on certain days, between certain stops,
I would have to go visit with my daughter's doc.
She has cancer, they say, diagnosed at three.
and on certain days, she has chomotherapy.
Then when she's done, I resume my run,
and hope that my daughter can just hang on.
"Try not to throw up, honey, mommy's almost done!
pretty soon we'll be going home!"
Finally, the work day is all but over,
I head back to school to pick up my other daughter.
Then off to get groceries, gas, or whatever,
any errands that didn't get done any earlier.
Of course, once home the day is not over,
the cleaning, the cooking the laundry and more,
the garbage, the mowing, the landscaping,...all chores.
I did my best to do them all, and I did them, with no help at all.
but time after time, night time would fall.
I'd crawl into bed, exhausted,... "amen!"
Only to wake, get up, and start it all over again.
So, in all these years, I've done nothing at all,
I have no real skills on which now to draw.
I've just been a business owner, wife, and a mom.
So, why hire me, when I have no skills?
Because, it turns out, I have a a strong will.
You give me a task, and it will get done.
I am my very own Army of one.
The task will probably not, to me, be new,
It's something I already know how to do.
But, if I don't know how to do it, I'll ask,
Just tell me once, I do learn fast.
So as I sit down to write my resume,
and I think of all the words I need to say.
I have many skills of which to choose,
How many pages can I use?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Im Never Taking My Daughter to Church Again.
I took my daughter to church today. I really like my church. Not only is the pastor a really good guy, but they have a band with 3 guitars, drums, keyboards and sometimes even a sax! Super cool music-super cool pastor..... super cool church. My daughter likes it too. She wakes ME up to get there on time.
So, today, pastor was talking about Noah, and how God gave humanity a "do over" or second chance. He went on to talk about how Eve ate from the forbiden fruit. It was a very serious moment in the sermon. When my daughter turns to me and whispers, "and it all could have been avoided, if Eve had a sassy gay friend!" (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQhkzYVlLl8) . So, in the middle of this VERY serious subject matter and a VERY quiet congregation, we start cracking up, not everyone,.... just my me and my daughter. Thankfully, no lightning strikes occured. Looks like I get a second chance!
It just happenend to be communion Sunday. So, at the end of the service, there was the traditional drinking of the grape juice and eating of the cracker. I try not to think about the irony of it-- that my daughter is allergic to grape juice--but I figure the small amount wont hurt her, and after all,... its COMMUNION. So, she drinks it, and, thankfully, she has no reaction to it. Excellent! we have been blessed! God has smiled down on us today! Life is good! We were able to -in the moment of silence- ask for forgiveness for the "Sassy Gay Friend" comment, AND we, like Noah, have found grace in his eyes!!!! Excellent! another second chance!
Then, she did it. As she is sitting waiting for the service to end. We hear a "CRAAAACKK", we both look in her hand, and we see,.... there, in her palm, is a cracked communion cup. SHE HAS BROKEN THE CUP!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! We both let out a collective, "gasp!!". Then we both get the same look of horror on our faces! OMGsh!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! YOU HAVE BROUGHT A CURSE ON US!!! So, again, in the middle of a very serious moment, we crack up. Everyone else is sitting solemnly, not us. We are ROTFLMAO. However, no lighting strikes occur.... second chance number 3. Whew!!!
So, service over. Let's go before God changes his mind! We finally make it out of the building, when I look at my daughter and notice she's holding a Bible. I know what you're thinking, "how sweet, she takes her Bible to church!". Yes, except for one minor thing.... the Bible she was holding belongs to the church.... SHE STOLE A BIBLE!!!!!!
How many second chances do we get again?!!
So, today, pastor was talking about Noah, and how God gave humanity a "do over" or second chance. He went on to talk about how Eve ate from the forbiden fruit. It was a very serious moment in the sermon. When my daughter turns to me and whispers, "and it all could have been avoided, if Eve had a sassy gay friend!" (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQhkzYVlLl8) . So, in the middle of this VERY serious subject matter and a VERY quiet congregation, we start cracking up, not everyone,.... just my me and my daughter. Thankfully, no lightning strikes occured. Looks like I get a second chance!
It just happenend to be communion Sunday. So, at the end of the service, there was the traditional drinking of the grape juice and eating of the cracker. I try not to think about the irony of it-- that my daughter is allergic to grape juice--but I figure the small amount wont hurt her, and after all,... its COMMUNION. So, she drinks it, and, thankfully, she has no reaction to it. Excellent! we have been blessed! God has smiled down on us today! Life is good! We were able to -in the moment of silence- ask for forgiveness for the "Sassy Gay Friend" comment, AND we, like Noah, have found grace in his eyes!!!! Excellent! another second chance!
Then, she did it. As she is sitting waiting for the service to end. We hear a "CRAAAACKK", we both look in her hand, and we see,.... there, in her palm, is a cracked communion cup. SHE HAS BROKEN THE CUP!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! We both let out a collective, "gasp!!". Then we both get the same look of horror on our faces! OMGsh!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! YOU HAVE BROUGHT A CURSE ON US!!! So, again, in the middle of a very serious moment, we crack up. Everyone else is sitting solemnly, not us. We are ROTFLMAO. However, no lighting strikes occur.... second chance number 3. Whew!!!
So, service over. Let's go before God changes his mind! We finally make it out of the building, when I look at my daughter and notice she's holding a Bible. I know what you're thinking, "how sweet, she takes her Bible to church!". Yes, except for one minor thing.... the Bible she was holding belongs to the church.... SHE STOLE A BIBLE!!!!!!
How many second chances do we get again?!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Queen of the Rubiks Cube
This is where I show my incredible rubik's cube solving skills. You might want to allow some time to watch it... like I said,..... like fine wine, some things take time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)