We Have Rights Too!

There are few things in this world that make me smile like when I see a cute pair of shoes.  I really like shoes.  I don't have a a lot because I am required to actually walk in said shoes, so they have to be comfortable, but a cute pair of shoes just makes me happy. 



However, COMFORTABLE shoes, are NOT cute.  No, only the completely uncomfortable, foot-disfiguring,  squeezed-on, the higher-the-heel-the-better, shoe is cute.  What's a girl to do?  I happen to be into high-heeled boots now.  I just LOVE over-the-knee boots, except that I am tall so, "over-the-knee" means "almost-to-the-knee".  I finally found some that folded over, but if I don't fold them, they go to "just-over-the-knee".   I was also able to find some thigh-high boots that actually reached my thigh!  Luv luv luv them!  Of course, these boots have, at least, a 4 inch heel, so I have to really think about whether to wear them.  Will I have to walk far?  Will I be able to sit down, once I get there?  These are important things to consider before one embarks on a cute-boot wearing expedition.

Which brings me to my point.  I think we need to demand a special parking permit for high-heel-wearing people.  I'm not saying it has to be free. I would gladly pay for the privilege of parking closer to any establishment if it meant I could wear my heels.  I mean, come on, if you have a scooter, do you REALLY need the up-front parking spots?!  Actually, if I had a scooter, I could wear my heels anytime/any place I want!  I'd just ride around in my scooter and look cute in my cute boots! .... Ok, maybe not.

So, whoever said "these boots were meant for walking" was obviously not talking about mine, but if I am able to sit, I have some awesome boots that would look super cute!

As requested.... my "just-over-the-knee" boots





I Love Arizona

• Somewhere between 112 and 117, it gets hot.
• "South Mountain", is still called "South Mountain" even if you are to the south of it.
• The highway system is THE highway system.  They refer to their highways as "THE" 101, or "THE" 202, as if there ARE no others, and if there are, they are NOT worth calling "THE".
• HOLY CRAP!! DO NOT  JOKE ABOUT THE ASU / UofA RIVALRY,.... AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T MIX THEM UP!!
• If you keep your A/C at 78, people think you're crazy for keeping your home so cold.
• "South Mountain" is called a "mountain"  but it's really more like a huge pile of rocks. "South Huge Rock Pile" just didn't sound right, I guess.
• Things have Spanish names, so they sound fancy, but if you know Spanish you realize that it's just what it is, ...except in Spanish.  Like, there is a tree that has green leaves and a green trunk, it's called "Palo Verde" or "green tree" in Spanish.  Come to think of it, "Montana del Sur" might have worked better for "South Mountain"
• Many things can kill you here.  Snakes, scorpions, all sorts of spiders, carpenter bees, African killer bees, coyotes, a wild cat of some sort, and the always scary but lovable, senior citizen driver.... Don't start with me,  YOU know I'm right.  THE roads are nice and wide though, so you can give them a couple lanes.
• When other vehicles cause you to drive down THE highway at 60mph instead of 70mph, it's called "traffic".
• When you say you are from "Washington" you will be asked, "DC or state?"  to this you must answer "State". .... Unless you ARE from Washington DC, in which case, you really should be saying "I'm from Washington DC" from the beginning, thus eliminating the need to ask "DC or State", ....come to think of it..... IDK why they ask......
• Canada jokes are met with confused looks.
• I was almost eaten by a sewer roach.
• Someday I hope to head west on THE 60 and see what kind of rocks they have at "South Mountain". I bet they'll have "piedra blanca", "piedra roja", the illusive "piedra negra", and maybe even some "piedra grande"!

Enough Already

I was always made to feel like I was never enough.
never thin enough,
nice enough,
confident enough,
perky enough,
tall enough,
short enough,
smart enough,
pretty enough,
"natural" enough,
driven enough,
cool enough,
fast enough,
quick enough, 
funny enough,
Christian enough,
worked-out enough,
ate enough,
dieted enough,
listened to the right music enough,
organized enough,
cleaned the house enough,
drove well enough,
spoke well enough,
took care of the kids, house, businesses enough,
young enough,
loved enough,
talked things out enough,
needed someone else enough,
given enough.

Maybe I could've done more, but didn't.  Maybe that was truly all I could've done. Either way, I was who I was and that's the way it turned out.

Truth is, I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to be enough for everyone. I don't like being made to feel like I'm not enough.  So, from here on out, I've decided,  I would like to be enough,... but if I'm not, that's ok.  I am enough for me.

These are the Best of Times, These are the Worst of Times.......

I just got a new job.  YAY ME!!  I haven't had a "real" job in 20 years.  After owning my own business for that whole time, it is really weird having to ask for permission to do things. "Shall I log in now?",  I'll be taking the garbage out, if anyone is looking for me.", and my personal favorite... "Is is ok if I run to the bathroom?", and I do it all with a smile on my face.  It is downright odd to be low-man-on-the-totem-pole, after being the queen-bee for so long.  I really like my new job.  I've never worked in the restaurant business and I wanted to see if I liked it... and I DO!!  I love the running around and cleaning off tables.  I love greeting people and seating them.  I love the "behind the scenes" chaos that is the kitchen. I love the interaction with all the staff.  There's a kid that looks like Ricky Martin, and a cook that looks like Emiril, AND even a kid that looks like Barack Obama  (who is from Hawaii!!!--I want to see HIS birth certificate!!), we call him "El Presidente". 

You know what I DON'T like..........  I'm the oldest person there!!  UGH!!!!  Even the GM is younger than I am!!  Thank God the owner is older, but not by much!!!  I guess the old ego isn't as confident as I thought it would be!  I love the job, but I feel a little like a looser when people ask if I'm the owner, or the manager..... if I were to tell them the truth I would say, "no, I'm just a single mom trying to start over and, dammit, DON'T JUDGE ME!!!"., of course,... I would say it with a smile on my face.  Really though, I'm judging myself, which, even though I'm happy that I am working on getting my life back together... I feel slightly embarrassed that I am where I am, and in the situation that I let myself get into.  I am now serving people that used to be my employees, or neighbors that used to come to my house and watch us shoot off  $500,00 worth of fireworks every 4th of July.  This is when I tell myself, "stand up straight, swallow your pride, do your job, and, oh yeah,... smile", and if they snicker at me, behind my back, as I walk away from them, so be it.  I'll let karma take care of them.

I don't know what the future will bring.  All I know is that right now, I am happier than I have been in a long time, ... maybe ever. Although, I may sometimes feel overwhelmed,  regretful at the loss of prosperity, and feel a little like a loser, that's OK, because I also realize, that right now, I am taking the first step of a 1500 mile journey, and I believe, that when I get to the end of my journey, I will look back on this time and say, "it was my finest hour".....and I will probably still be smiling.

Like It or Not

It's hard to imagine that it has been ten years.  My daughters were 9 and 6.  My son hadn't even been born yet.  It's one of those things that you wonder about.  The 'why's" and "what if's" of life.  This year marks the 10th Anniversary of that fateful day.  This day affected me like no other.  I remember sitting in horror, wondering if I had just imagined it, hoping it was one of those nightmares from which you awaken to realize none of it was true.  It was, however, all too true.  Like it or not, when I woke up that morning, I had a brother, when that day was over, I didn't.  How does one get over that?

Granted, I believe he continues to live, and that I do, in fact, still have a brother, but in this physical world,  I don't.  There was a lot of, "He's with God now", and "He's in a better place", and "He was so cool, God wanted him"..... but the one that got me the most was, "God must have needed him".  See, I just don't think God NEEDS anyone.  Why does God need a diesel/tank/car mechanic?  I just think that if God needs his tanks fixed, that perhaps Michael or Gabriel could figure it out. Just sayin'.  I'm pretty sure that my brother's kids needed him more than God did. Don't get me wrong, his kids are great kids, and their mom did an awesome job by herself,  but I'm sure there have been times when they needed him more than God has.  Still, whatever the reason,  at least I know I will get to talk to him again.

My brother wasn't perfect.  He would not have agreed with that statement, but if he has a problem with it, I'm sure he will set me straight.  He was, however, my brother, and I loved him.  I remember an incident from 2nd grade.  I had gotten a brand new Mickey Mouse umbrella.  I LOVED this umbrella!  It was clear plastic except for the Mickey Mouse decal... it was so AWESOME!!  I was so happy it was raining that day because that meant I could take my umbrella to school.  We walked to school, so I REALLY needed to take it.  Well, as I was walking home, these 3 boys started bothering me,  They were much older than I was.... like 11.  They started saying bad words  and chasing me.  My brother saw this, ran over, and started beating on these guys, but it was three on one, so he looked for some sort of weapon to use.  That's when he grabbed my precious umbrella right out of my hands. He started swinging it at them like a madman!  All the while I'm crying and screaming. Finally, they scattered, and he turned to me, handed me what was left of my umbrella and said, "go home!".  I turned and ran all the way home, crying the whole while.  When Mom asked, "what happened?' I proceeded to "tell" on him, I told the WHOLE story about how he RUINED my umbrella.  I remember the look on his face when he walked in the door and heard me complaining to Mom.  Thinking back on that, I realize that, of course, he did what he was supposed to do-defend his little sister. I always kind-of felt bad about not acknowledging that to him...... I never did get a replacement umbrella though. 

I miss him.  It's like a burn.  Just when you think it's ok, you take that finger out of the cold stream of water,  and it begins to burn again.  And just when you think it's healed, you take a warm shower and it begins to sting again, reminding you of what happened.  It really does feel like it happened yesterday, but it has been TEN years. May 21, 2001.  To most of you,  there will come a day where, when you wake up in the morning you will  have a brother (sister/mother/father/daughter/son/friend), but by day's end, you wont.   That pain, that ache, that nightmare, will always be attached to you, it will always be just below the surface, just ready to show itself.  All it takes is one stray memory, one familiar scent, one found picture that you didn't realize had fallen behind the shelves. It is then, you will realize that you don't "get over" it, you "get through" it... you survive it, like it or not.

Arnold's Promise to the Philippines

There are times when I feel sorry for everyone else because I have the best little boy in the whole world and you guys all have to settle for second-best.  Today was one of those days when I thought, "wow, sucks to be you!"

I was sitting in the living room with my son and his friend.  They were watching TV and  I was doing something very important on my phone-- like checking Facebook or something.  When I hear this conversation:

My Son:  Oh cool!  look at him!
Kid:  Who is that?
My Son: That's General Patton!

I look up to see that there is a commercial on TV where they were showing pictures of what I thought were WWII allied leaders.

My Son: ...and that's ...ummmm
(Turns to me)
My Son:  Who's is that again?
Me:  Isn't that Montgomery?
My Son:  Montgomery????  NO... that's the Philippines general,  the one that said, "I shall return".... Mac....
Kid: (interrupting) THE TERMINATOR!!!

So, at this point, I manage to say, "MacArthur"  but I'm laughing so hard that I can barely breathe.  Turns out it was a commercial for the Army, showing pictures of different AMERICAN military leaders (Montgomery was British, for those of you from BBS). So, although I should be embarrassed that my 8 year old son knows the difference between Montgomery and MacArthur better than I do,  I feel PRE-TTY darn good about myself compared to the neighbor kid. 

So, next time your kid is singing the song to "sponge-bob, square pants" word-for-word, you can think to yourself, "hey, second best is still pretty good".  Nothing but love, my friends.

Fool me once....

To this day, I'm a very naive person.  I believe things people tell me.  April fool's day has always been my most hated of days.   I am ALWAYS being fooled into believing something!  Just this morning, my son walks into my room complaining of a tummy ache, I ask if he wants to stay home and he says, "April fools!".  UGH!!!  So if you want to tell me I have something on my shirt and as soon as I look, you attempt to pick my nose-or whatever... go for it.  Might be funny, OR I might break your finger.  Either way, we all have a good laugh.

My brother was a prankster.  He was always, thinking up new ways to play tricks on people.  We lived on 33 acres out in the country in Puerto Rico.  My parents had a nice new house built, but there were 3 other buildings on the property that were all dilapidated and old.  One of them was good enough, that Dad set up his workshop there.  It was a good walk away from the "new" house, so we couldn't just look out the window and see it.  My Dad and my brother would go out there and build go-carts and work on engines and do all sorts of cool stuff.  Of course, I wanted to join in with them, but I guess, having a kid-sister around wasn't my brother's idea of fun, and he was always trying to get me to go home.  So, I guess one day -when Dad wasn't around- my brother had had enough of me.  He showed me a contraption he had found and said. "look! it's a bomb!"  So, I looked at his out-stretched hand and said, "you should probably put that back", and that's when he did it.  He turned the dial, and I heard tic tic tic tic.....  I screamed at him, "WHAT DID YOU DO??!"  He said, "RUN HOME!"  I said, "YOU COME WITH ME!!" He said, "NO!  I'm going to try to turn it off!"  I ran home as fast as I could!  I ran into the house and yelled out to mom to hide!  I ran and hid behind the couch and waited for the blast.  I couldn't stop thinking about how my brother was going to survive it, and whether or not my mother heard me!!  After a few minutes I hear my mom calling me and I peaked out from behind the couch and said, "MOM!!  GO HIDE, DETE (That's what I called my brother) SET A BOMB!!" She said, "he did?"  I said, "YES!!! GO HIDE!!"  She said, "ok, I'll just go hide in the kitchen."  So, Mom was safe in the kitchen but what about my brother?

I woke up to voices coming from the kitchen. I realized I was still hiding behind the couch.  I got up and ran into the kitchen to see that Dad had come home from work and was talking to my Mom and my brother.  They all stopped and looked at me.  I asked, "did the bomb go off?"  After a very long pause, my brother said, "I disarmed it".

It wasn't until years later, when we moved, that I saw "the bomb" again.  It was a regular ol' kitchen timer.  I remember mentioning the story and everyone laughing at the it.  Me, personally,  I don't think it's funny to scare a 5 year old little girl like that, ....but that's just me.

So, that was just one of many tricks.  Life was an adventure with him around, and I ALWAYS fell for his antics.  EXCEPT for that one time......

He and my Dad were going to visit my Grandmother who lived in Connecticut.  It must have been in the fall sometime.  When they got back, I asked my brother all about his trip.  He was so excited about it!  The one thing I remember him telling me was that it was cold, and that all the trees' leaves were different colors.  He said they were yellow and red, and orange!!  Well,  THAT'S when I decided I had had enough. I chose THAT moment to stand my ground and say, "NO MORE!" to his insane trickery!!!  I just looked at him and said, "IF YOU THINK,  I'M GOING TO BELIEVE THAT STORY, YOU ARE CRAZY!!"  He was insistent, "no, really!  The trees were all changing colors and it was really pretty!"  I just looked at him and shook my head and said, "you're a jerk!" and I walked away from him, never believing his wild story. 

Again, it wasn't until years later that I realized  he was telling the truth!!  Imagine that?  So, I guess when it comes to me: fool me once, shame on me,.... fool me a few more times ......I guess I'll still believe you, but I'll just think you're a big jerk.  You would think that  I could recognize truth when I hear it.  All I know is that going through life questioning everything is too exhausting,

To Bliss, or Not To Bliss....

The word "ignorance" is given such a bad rap.  If you call someone "ignorant"  they take it as an insult. It is taken as another word for "stupid", or "dumb".  Well, if you're ignorant, it doesn't mean you're dumb, it just means- you don't know.  Just because you don't know, doesn't mean you're dumb, it just means you haven't learned it yet.  If a 5 year old doesn't know about molecules, it doesn't mean he's dumb, he just hasn't been taught about them.  Get it?  It was Cicero who said, "I am not ashamed to confess that I am ignorant of what I do not know."  So then, you can't really fault anyone for being ignorant... they are just uninformed.

That brings me to what is probably the more better known "ignorance" quote:  "ignorance is bliss".  This quote has been on my mind for a long time.  I've always heard it used with a negative connotation.  As if, you specifically choose not to find out about something because you're an idiot, or stuck in a blissful oblivion. In pondering the phrase, I have come to realize that it can also be a very peaceful way to go about living life.  Imagine how relaxed and stress-free your life would be if you simply weren't aware of the crap going on around you?  For example,  we all learned in science class that the light we receive from the sun is actually 8 minutes old.  So, it takes 8 minutes for the light to reach us.  What if the sun JUST turned off?  We wouldn't know about it for 8 minutes.  Would you want to know? Wouldn't it be better to just live the last 8 minutes of your life in blissful ignorance,  just doing everyday, normal things? I think I would prefer to remain ignorant of the sun turning off.... but that's just me.

Look at the story of Adam and Eve.  Everything was perfect and all was bliss, but then Eve had to go and eat fruit from the "knowledge of good and evil" tree.  She just HAD to know about good and evil, and here we are today in a not-so-blissful world.  Thank you, Eve for taking away the bliss!

Sometimes, I think it would be so relaxing, if I just didn't know certain things.  Like,... I would like to NOT know that a certain diet soda is actually bad for me.  I really enjoyed my daily fix of the poison.  Now that I know, my life is ruined.  OK, maybe not ruined.... but I really enjoyed my diet soda!  Ignorance of that piece of knowledge WAS bliss.

So, when you think you want to know, when you think you HAVE to know, you may want to be very sure as to whether or not you REALLY need to know.  Knowing may open your eyes to something you'd rather stay ignorant about, thus, making your life bliss-less. 

Getting Out

I'm sure many have said it one way or another, but I think Mark Twain is cool, so I'll quote him.  He said, "It's easier to stay out than get out".

In this time of great change in my life, I have come to the realization that I have an addiction problem. I know this may come as a shock to many of you who think I am super-awesome, but nonetheless, we are all human and fall way short of perfection.  So, "let he who has not sinned, cast the first stone", (that was NOT Mark Twain, ...or Billy Joel.  That was Jesus, who was also pretty cool).

So, I ask of you, my friends, that you keep me in your hearts and minds, as each day passes, that I may be strong and abstain from this addiction that has had a hold of me for many many years. I have tried to quit many times,  but it keeps dragging me back in!  Today was day one,... again.  It was difficult.  I was a just a liiiiitle cranky, but as the day winds down I realize that I have won today's battle, but tomorrow is another day, and the war will continue on.  I must remain strong and vigilant and not give in to temptation. 

Diet Coke will NOT defeat me!  I WILL get out of it's grip! And let this be a warning to all of you... don't even start,  just stay out-trust me, it really is easier to STAY out, than it is to GET out.

........ I AM pretty thirsty, though.....

61 Years Ago....

 
What does 61 years look like?  When you think about it, 61 years can be overwhelming.  Six decades, (that's 60 years, for those of you from BBS) plus one, or as they probably said it back then... "three score and one years ago".  That's like, ancient history, right?

Today, my wonderful in-laws celebrate their 61st wedding anniversary. Not their birthday,... it's their ANNIVERSARY!   Can you even imagine, putting up with someone for that long?  What is it about them, and others like them?  Maybe there is something to the saying, "they just never got mad at each other at the same time".  Maybe it's an  "I've put up with him/her this long, what's another 50 years?" attitude.  Maybe it's plain old stubbornness, where they are going to stick together no matter what.

I think it might have something to do with the fact that they are always laughing.  At each other, with each other, it doesn't matter.  These people are always, joking, and most times they are laughing at themselves!  I don't think I have EVER seen him take offense to ANYTHING.  You can throw jabs at him, but he just laughs them off, and most times he agrees with you!  The incredible thing is that, she still laughs at all his jokes-- and she's not even senile!  You KNOW she's heard them over and over again, (I know I have!) but she still laughs at/with him!! 

It could be that there is a mutual respect that is instantly apparent.  He is still a gentleman, and is protective of her.  He may be 105 but if you disrespect her, he WILL kick your ass.  Ok, he's not 105, but he's close.  Also, she will readily admit that she is NOT a cook, but he always eats what he's given, and has never complained-not out loud, anyway.

Maybe it's just that there is a deep love there that has just never waivered.  I've heard that that has happened before.  Where two people find, in each other, comfort, trust, peace, respect, serenity, joy.  Where the other person accepts you for you, and you accept them for them. ....... Although, personally, I think she stays with him for the money. ;-)

So, to my in-laws, -and yes, they will always be my family (sorry folks!)- I wish you a very HAPPY 61st ANNIVERSARY.  I love you very much.  May you have many more!

My First Song

Growing up in Puerto Rico was a wonderful experience for me. We lived near a small town that was a bit isolated from the "real" civilization at the time.  We lived on 30 acres consisting of 3 mountains (they were actually probably more like "hills", but to us, they were mountains) encircling a valley. Our house was in the valley.  We didn't have Internet at the time (actually, Al Gore hadn't invented it yet), no phone, and not even a TV.  Actually, we had a TV but we never watched it.  We had a record player, and although we had a TON of records, I'm pretty sure they could all be classified into 4 categories: classical music, some ancient (even then, they were ancient!) Christmas music, Scott Joplin rag time, and John Phillips Sousa marching music. I'm pretty sure we had a radio, but I don't remember ever listening to it.  It could've been that, being in a valley, we just couldn't receive many radio stations, and the ones we did receive played music that my parents didn't like-it was their prerogative, they were the parents.  Whatever the reason, no radio.  Don't get me wrong,  I never thought anything of it.  I loved listening to all our records, and I never thought to ask what the dial and all the numbers on the hi-fi were for.  Besides, a radio was what my dad used to communicate with people at work, not for music.


Hi-Fi  similar to what we had.


Then one day, my world changed.  I was probably about 7 or 8 years old.  It was a little turquoise radio.  I don't know where it came from.  All I know is that I found it in my brother's room.  I asked what it was and he said, "It's a radio."  I said, "How do you talk into it?"  He said, "No, dummy, it just receives radio waves, it's not for talking."  I said, "Then how do you talk back to the people that talk to you?"  He said, "AY NENA!!  IT JUST PLAYS MUSIC!"  I then asked, "Can I borrow it?" and he said, "NO!"

So, I took it to my room when he wasn't watching and plugged it in. It took a second for the little tube to warm up, but when it did.  It was like the hallelujah chorus boomed around me! ....Well, it wasn't the hallelujah chorus, THAT was on one of the records I would listen too.  No, this was different. This was ... really different.  This was... very cool.  This was ... definitely NOT my parents' music!   I will never forget the very first song I heard on that radio. "Killing me softly"  by Roberta Flack.  That was the beginning of my love for "music with a beat". Classical music is beautiful, I have nothing against it, but THIS music woke me up.  THIS music made me want to move!! ... Not "Killing me softly" - so much- but the ones that came after that were AWESOME!  I was dancing around my room like... well, ... like...  a little girl dancing around her room.  I loved this music!  I was so into it,  I never wanted it to stop!

I got caught .  I must have had it a it up too loud because my brother barged into my room and took that "little turquoise box of awesome" from me after what had to be about 30 minutes.  I was so crushed, but I never forgot that taste of new foreign fruit.  Music that made you smile, music that didn't put you to sleep, music that made you want to dance!! I had had a taste of it and couldn't wait until I could steal that little radio again! And I did...often.



This is as close a picture as I can find

 It wasn't until a few years later that I actually got my very own radio. Then a few years after that, I got a STEREO!!   Music comes in many forms,  and you don't have to like what I like-- but then, I don't have to like what you like either.  I think we should just enjoy it, let it fill your soul with joy, and let us ALL dance like a little girl dancing around her room!

Dont Be a Moped

Everyday, I look at my daughters and it never ceases to amaze me as to how fast time has gone by.  They are young ladies now, and throughout the years I have imparted precious nuggets of wisdom that I am sure will stick with them for the rest of their lives.  I have now decided to put these nuggets together into one manuscript and, much like Moses did when he came down from Mt Sinai with the 10 Commandments, I intend to print these up and run them downstairs and hand them to my girls-- AND they had better not be worshiping any golden cows down there either!!  Here are my top-ten dating commandments.... or recommendations.... suggestions?  Whatever.

10. Don't date until you are 30.  OK,  how about 25?  I had to try.

9. He asks you.  Period.  I don't care how old fashioned this is.  If he doesn't have the guts to ask you,  then he doesn't get to go out with you.  Too bad for him.

8. Always choose "nice" over "bad-boy".  I know, I know, the bad-boy is soooooo dreamy!!  I am telling you right here, right now,  you will save yourself a lot of heartache, if you just chose the nice guy... and if you think you can "fix" the bad-boy, see number 6.

7. Be you. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Your real you will eventually show up, and he may not go for the "bait and switch" chick.   If he doesn't like you for you, he wont like you.  Find someone who does.

6. You wont "fix" him.  He needs to be him.  If you don't like the real him, find someone you do like.  He's not going to be any more "fixed" later, than he is now.  Right now, the beginning, THAT'S as good as it's going to be.  So, if he is a jerk to you now, or if he ignores you when he's with his friends, or if he flirts with all the girls- now, what makes you think he'll be any different later?  I like this saying by Maya Angelou, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them". 

5. Be a lady.  Also known as the "don't be a skank" recommendation.  I know it's hard to believe or even fathom, but I have been your age before.  If your boyfriend can't respect you enough to kiss you in private, then he doesn't respect you enough.  You don't want to be the lead role in the story going around school about who so-and-so was making-out with on the bleachers at the football game, last Friday night.  I will now quote the, oh so eloquent, words of my friend Jami,  "Don't be a moped,....you, know,.. everyone wants a ride, but no one wants to be seen on one".  Remember, girls have all the power.  WE say what's ok or what's not.  In a way,  we ARE the boss of them.

4.Let him be a gentleman. This is a big one.  Many guys are lead to believe that  it's un-cool to open the door for you, to meet your parents, to come to your front door-not sit in his car and honk for you to come out.  In reality, this is VERY cool.  It is a show of respect.   If he wants to pay for dinner, LET HIM.  He SHOULD pay for the first date, and it doesn't have to be dinner and a movie.  It can be ice cream and a walk in the park.  And if you heed #5,  he should know better than to try anything on that walk in the park.

3.What you do on the first date will determine the relationship.  If all you do on that first date is hide in a dark spot and make-out, then that's what he's going to expect next time.  You don't make-out with a guy,  and then hope he wants to talk.  It's a much better idea, if you talk first, get to know him, see if he WANTS to get to know you, THEN decide if he's even worth kissing.  If he is, make sure you refer back to #5 again.   If he isn't, tell him to go make you a samich.

2.Never date a guy who's prettier, or that has nicer hair than you.  It's just distracting.  It will eventually make you feel bad because, you keep comparing yourself to him.  Eventually, you'll resent him.  You know how you are always saying, "I hate my hair!!!"  Well, think how bad you'll feel if a guy has nicer hair than you, and he doesn't even try!  It'll make you too self-conscious.  A man should look like a man.  I mean, look at Zach Effron and his girlfriend, what's her name.  She has to get TOTALLY dolled up, just to come close to looking good enough to stand next to him, and most times,  he STILL looks prettier than her!  It's just never a good idea.

1.It's always ok to say, "no".  Always trust your instincts. Never do anything you don't want to do because, well,... "he DID pay for dinner".  You don't "owe" anybody anything, and if you ever feel uncomfortable or forced into a situation, call your mother--she has a shotgun ready for use at any moment, and isn't afraid to open up a can of whoop-ass on anybody messing with her kids (I blame the Latina blood).  It may even be a good idea to work that tidbit of information into the conversation early on,  that way, there will probably be no awkward situation later.