These are the Best of Times, These are the Worst of Times.......

I just got a new job.  YAY ME!!  I haven't had a "real" job in 20 years.  After owning my own business for that whole time, it is really weird having to ask for permission to do things. "Shall I log in now?",  I'll be taking the garbage out, if anyone is looking for me.", and my personal favorite... "Is is ok if I run to the bathroom?", and I do it all with a smile on my face.  It is downright odd to be low-man-on-the-totem-pole, after being the queen-bee for so long.  I really like my new job.  I've never worked in the restaurant business and I wanted to see if I liked it... and I DO!!  I love the running around and cleaning off tables.  I love greeting people and seating them.  I love the "behind the scenes" chaos that is the kitchen. I love the interaction with all the staff.  There's a kid that looks like Ricky Martin, and a cook that looks like Emiril, AND even a kid that looks like Barack Obama  (who is from Hawaii!!!--I want to see HIS birth certificate!!), we call him "El Presidente". 

You know what I DON'T like..........  I'm the oldest person there!!  UGH!!!!  Even the GM is younger than I am!!  Thank God the owner is older, but not by much!!!  I guess the old ego isn't as confident as I thought it would be!  I love the job, but I feel a little like a looser when people ask if I'm the owner, or the manager..... if I were to tell them the truth I would say, "no, I'm just a single mom trying to start over and, dammit, DON'T JUDGE ME!!!"., of course,... I would say it with a smile on my face.  Really though, I'm judging myself, which, even though I'm happy that I am working on getting my life back together... I feel slightly embarrassed that I am where I am, and in the situation that I let myself get into.  I am now serving people that used to be my employees, or neighbors that used to come to my house and watch us shoot off  $500,00 worth of fireworks every 4th of July.  This is when I tell myself, "stand up straight, swallow your pride, do your job, and, oh yeah,... smile", and if they snicker at me, behind my back, as I walk away from them, so be it.  I'll let karma take care of them.

I don't know what the future will bring.  All I know is that right now, I am happier than I have been in a long time, ... maybe ever. Although, I may sometimes feel overwhelmed,  regretful at the loss of prosperity, and feel a little like a loser, that's OK, because I also realize, that right now, I am taking the first step of a 1500 mile journey, and I believe, that when I get to the end of my journey, I will look back on this time and say, "it was my finest hour".....and I will probably still be smiling.