Weather Report: The Great Blizzard of November 2010

I didn't realize I could post videos!  So, for those of you who STILL don't have Facebook.  This will be a real treat!!

I'm OK

My daughter is 18. She is an, over-all, good kid.  She is a freshman at the local community college and is doing well there.  I am very proud of her.

HOWEVER,  she has this little quirk that is just, so cute- sometimes.  When she hurts herself, she will SCREAM bloody murder, no matter how much it hurts.  For example, if she stubs her toe, she will SCREAM!,  then pause, then say, "oh,.. I'm OK".  So, anytime I hear her scream out, in sheer agony, I don't go running.  I just stop what I'm doing, and listen for the, "I'm OK!" which, inevitably ALWAYS follows.


CUT TO: This morning, 10am, PICTURE ME, DRIVING ON A FREEWAY.

I am out running errands. At this time, I am in a nearby town about 10 miles away from home.  When I get the call.

SFX:  car phone rings

ME: hello?

DAUGHTER:  (Speaking loud, fast, and in the high-pitched voice, she uses when she stubs her toe) WE HAVE MANTIS!!!!!!!!

ME: what?
(I'm thinking, "what?")

DAUGHTER:  (again, loud, fast and high-pitched, toe-stubbing voice) THERE'S A MANTIS SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!

ME: what?!
(now I'm thinking, WTH?"--- where's the "I'm ok"??)

DAUGHTER:  (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe-stubbing-- but at least she's TRYING to make herself understood-at least, she THINKS she is)  THERE'S A MANTIS ALL AROUND OUR TOWN, COVERED IN SNOW!!!

ME: what?!
(So,.... I'm not sure what to think. At first, I think of the old Japanese movies where the bug gets zapped with radiation and is now bigger than all the buildings, and is going to eat the town! I quickly determine that THAT would be stupid.)

DAUGHTER:  (again, loud, fast, and high-pitched,toe stub - but now she sounds almost irritated with me because, I don't seem to understand what she's talking about)  MANTIS! ...SURROUNDING OUR TOWN!!

ME: WHAT???????!!!!!!
(Now, I'm thinking, "crap!! How much do psychologists cost these days?!"  But then I relax and think, "oh, maybe she's just high- we ARE close to the town known as the "Meth Capital of the World".... but,.. DARN IT!!  I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR HER BRACES!!....AND WHERE'S THE, "I'M OK"!!!)

DAUGHTER:  (FINALLY!!  slows down, and speaks in a more normalized tone and volume...) TSK!!!  I saaaaid,--  There- are- mountains- surrounding- our- town!!!

ME:  (pausing)  Mountains?!!! ....... You are JUST now noticing the mountians?!?!! 
(my mind is blank)

DAUGHTER: YES!!!!  Did YOU know we have mountains that surround our town?!?!? 

ME: Yes, yes I did.  They've been there since we moved here,.... 6 YEARS AGO!!!!!
(I'm not sure WHAT to think)

DAUGHTER:  Well, ....where did they come from?!?

ME:  Ummmm .... I have to go.  Love you, bye!! 
(My mind is again, blank)

DAUGHTER: But.............

SFX: phone hanging up
So, although I'm happy that there is no huge bug attacking our town,  I am a little concerned that she is JUST now, noticing the mountains that surround our town.....  I REALLY hope I get the "I'm OK" soon!!

46?!

 You know it's going to be "one of those days" when one of the first thoughts you have when you wake up is, "I probably should have gotten up about 2 hours ago".  So, I get up and run around getting my son ready for school.  Wondering, "how the heck do all the other Moms do it?!".  Finally, we are off to school, he gets there late-again-but he is there, and I am off and ready to get on to the rest of my crazy day.  As I'm headed off down the coutry roads into town,  I see the dreaded lights in my rear view mirror. Really?  now?  today?  Why didn't you catch me yesterday, when I was only a LITTLE busy?  So, I pull over.  I see the cop walking up to my window, (hands on the wheel, hands on the wheel!!).  As I look at him, I realize I have seen this guy before.  He was at my gym a couple times.  He offered to spot me once when I put a little too much weight on the bar-bell.  We talked for a little- I thought he was a fireman,  when in the conversation  he mentioned he was a cop,  I politely walked away.
Cop- Hi,
Me- Hi  ( I smile.)
Cop - (smiling back) Do you know that the speed limit on this road is 35?
Me-(still smiling) I always thought is was 40....
Cop - Then why were you going 46?
Me -(smiling) Are you sure?!  46?! ....huh.  I must have some really important things to do today.....  (smile-smile smile!!)
Cop - (nodding his head, smiling)  I guess so. .....license, registration and proof of insurance?
Me - (I get the stuff and he looks at it, then me, -SMILE!- then he hands it all back to me)  Don't you go to the gym?  I think I spotted you once,...  you thought I was a firefighter?
Me - (crap!)  OH!....  yeah!!....  I've seen you there before!  how are you?  What are you bench pressing these days?  (too obvious?)
Cop - (smiling, like he's onto my "change the subject" diversion...)  Im just  fine, thank you. (sarcasm?)  Listen,  you should probably slow it down on this road.
Me - Yeah, yeah.... I know..it's just that it's down hill.. and there's no one around and..( I look a him--he's shaking his head--NOT GOOD!!) ........yeah....ok... right, SLOOOOOWER.....
Cop - yes, slow down.
Me - yeah, ok......
Cop- I'll see you around,... have a good day. (then he walks back to his car)
So, I'm sitting there, thinking he's coming back with a ticket- and he just drives off, waving as he passes me. I wave back awkwardly. No ticket?  YESSSSS!!! SWEEET!!!  Now, I'm really late, but I don't want to push my luck, so I got my radar detector out of the glove box and set it up on the dash.  I'm not crazy though -   I do slow down to at least 38! I then resume my crazy day.  Which, although will be busy,- anytime you get out of a speeding ticket has to mean it will be a good day!  SO BRING IT THURSDAY!!!  You can't beat me!!

I Have No Skills

As I sit down to write my resume,
I try to think of words to say.
I have no skills, nothing to show,
no one would hire me, of this I'm sure.
I've done nothing with my life,
but be a business owner, mom and wife.

What have I done in all these years,
to help me land a new career?
I think and think, come up with nothing.
I try in vain to think of something.

I had a real job at one time.
I worked everyday from 9 to 5.
Airlines, hotels, car rentals I booked
"you got a flight?",   well, let me look.
But all that changed when I had my daughter,
Decided to work for myself, not another.

So work, work I did without hesitation,
I worked for her future, without much vacation.
The years came and went, with life much fullfilled.
I ran all my companies, even unskilled.

As so often happens, life stopped me dead.
My neatly-planned future got turned on its head.
Companies folded, marriage dissolved,
I find myself left, with nothing at all.
And so as I sit and I try to recall,
I guess I did nothing,.. nothing at all.

All that I've done,  really quite a bore,
is everyday stuff,  that one wouldn't care for.

Ive gotten the kids ready for school,
they've gotten there on time-cool!
I've then gone into my shop,
and been the one to do it all.

I answered phones and kept customers happy,
the books, the office, the warehouse,.. all snappy.
I organized deliveries, made sure they're on time.
and all special orders were all in a line.
And most times I actually made a delivery or two,
the ones that our driver was just too busy to do.
And on certain days, between certain stops,
I would have to go visit with my daughter's doc.
She has cancer,  they say, diagnosed at three.
and on certain days, she has chomotherapy.
Then when she's done, I resume my run,
and hope that my daughter can just hang on.
"Try not to throw up, honey, mommy's almost done!
pretty soon we'll be going home!"

Finally, the work day is all but over,
I head back to school to pick up my other daughter.
Then off to get groceries, gas, or whatever,
any errands that didn't get done any earlier.
Of course, once home the day is not over,
the cleaning, the cooking the laundry and more,
the garbage, the mowing, the landscaping,...all chores.
I did my best to do them all, and I did them, with no help at all.
but time after time, night time would  fall.
I'd crawl into bed, exhausted,... "amen!"
Only to wake, get up, and start it all over again.

So, in all these years, I've done nothing at all,
I have no real skills on which now to draw.
I've just been a business owner, wife, and a mom.
So, why hire me, when I have no skills?
Because, it turns out, I have a a strong will.

You give me a task, and it will get done.
I am my very own Army of one.
The task will probably not, to me, be new,
It's something I already know how to do.
But, if I don't know how to do it, I'll ask,
Just tell me once, I do learn fast.

So as I sit down to write my resume,
and I think of all the words I need to say.
I have many skills of which to choose,
How many pages can I use?

Im Never Taking My Daughter to Church Again.

I took my daughter to church today.  I really like my church.  Not only is the pastor a really good guy, but they have a band with 3 guitars, drums, keyboards and sometimes even a sax! Super cool music-super cool pastor..... super cool church.  My daughter likes it too.  She wakes ME up to get there on time.

So, today, pastor was talking about Noah, and how God gave humanity a "do over" or second chance.  He went on to talk about how Eve ate from the forbiden fruit.  It was a very serious moment in the sermon.  When my daughter turns to me and whispers, "and it all could have been avoided, if Eve had a sassy gay friend!"  (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQhkzYVlLl8) . So, in the middle of this VERY serious subject matter and a VERY quiet congregation,  we start cracking up,  not everyone,.... just my me and my daughter.  Thankfully,  no lightning strikes occured.  Looks like I get a second chance!

It just happenend to be communion Sunday.  So, at the end of the service, there was the traditional drinking of the grape juice and eating of the cracker.  I try not to think about the irony of it-- that my daughter is allergic to grape juice--but I figure the small amount wont hurt her, and after all,...  its COMMUNION.  So, she drinks it, and, thankfully, she has no reaction to it.  Excellent! we have been blessed!  God has smiled down on us today!  Life is good!  We were able to -in the moment of silence- ask for forgiveness for the "Sassy Gay Friend" comment, AND  we, like Noah, have found grace in his eyes!!!! Excellent!  another second chance!

Then, she did it.  As she is sitting waiting for the service to end.  We hear a "CRAAAACKK",  we both look in her hand, and we see,.... there, in her palm, is a cracked communion cup. SHE HAS BROKEN THE CUP!!!  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!  We both let out a collective, "gasp!!".  Then we both get the same look of horror on our faces!  OMGsh!!!!!!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!  YOU HAVE BROUGHT A CURSE ON US!!! So, again, in the middle of a very serious moment, we crack up.  Everyone else is sitting solemnly, not us.  We are ROTFLMAO.  However,  no lighting strikes occur.... second chance number 3.  Whew!!!

So, service over.  Let's go before God changes his mind!  We finally make it out of the building, when I look at my daughter and notice she's holding a Bible.  I know what you're thinking, "how sweet, she takes her Bible to church!".  Yes, except for one minor thing.... the Bible she was holding belongs to the church.... SHE STOLE A BIBLE!!!!!!  

How many second chances do we get again?!!