Everyday, I look at my daughters and it never ceases to amaze me as to how fast time has gone by. They are young ladies now, and throughout the years I have imparted precious nuggets of wisdom that I am sure will stick with them for the rest of their lives. I have now decided to put these nuggets together into one manuscript and, much like Moses did when he came down from Mt Sinai with the 10 Commandments, I intend to print these up and run them downstairs and hand them to my girls-- AND they had better not be worshiping any golden cows down there either!! Here are my top-ten dating commandments.... or recommendations.... suggestions? Whatever.
10. Don't date until you are 30. OK, how about 25? I had to try.
9. He asks you. Period. I don't care how old fashioned this is. If he doesn't have the guts to ask you, then he doesn't get to go out with you. Too bad for him.
8. Always choose "nice" over "bad-boy". I know, I know, the bad-boy is soooooo dreamy!! I am telling you right here, right now, you will save yourself a lot of heartache, if you just chose the nice guy... and if you think you can "fix" the bad-boy, see number 6.
7. Be you. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Your real you will eventually show up, and he may not go for the "bait and switch" chick. If he doesn't like you for you, he wont like you. Find someone who does.
6. You wont "fix" him. He needs to be him. If you don't like the real him, find someone you do like. He's not going to be any more "fixed" later, than he is now. Right now, the beginning, THAT'S as good as it's going to be. So, if he is a jerk to you now, or if he ignores you when he's with his friends, or if he flirts with all the girls- now, what makes you think he'll be any different later? I like this saying by Maya Angelou, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them".
5. Be a lady. Also known as the "don't be a skank" recommendation. I know it's hard to believe or even fathom, but I have been your age before. If your boyfriend can't respect you enough to kiss you in private, then he doesn't respect you enough. You don't want to be the lead role in the story going around school about who so-and-so was making-out with on the bleachers at the football game, last Friday night. I will now quote the, oh so eloquent, words of my friend Jami, "Don't be a moped,....you, know,.. everyone wants a ride, but no one wants to be seen on one". Remember, girls have all the power. WE say what's ok or what's not. In a way, we ARE the boss of them.
4.Let him be a gentleman. This is a big one. Many guys are lead to believe that it's un-cool to open the door for you, to meet your parents, to come to your front door-not sit in his car and honk for you to come out. In reality, this is VERY cool. It is a show of respect. If he wants to pay for dinner, LET HIM. He SHOULD pay for the first date, and it doesn't have to be dinner and a movie. It can be ice cream and a walk in the park. And if you heed #5, he should know better than to try anything on that walk in the park.
3.What you do on the first date will determine the relationship. If all you do on that first date is hide in a dark spot and make-out, then that's what he's going to expect next time. You don't make-out with a guy, and then hope he wants to talk. It's a much better idea, if you talk first, get to know him, see if he WANTS to get to know you, THEN decide if he's even worth kissing. If he is, make sure you refer back to #5 again. If he isn't, tell him to go make you a samich.
2.Never date a guy who's prettier, or that has nicer hair than you. It's just distracting. It will eventually make you feel bad because, you keep comparing yourself to him. Eventually, you'll resent him. You know how you are always saying, "I hate my hair!!!" Well, think how bad you'll feel if a guy has nicer hair than you, and he doesn't even try! It'll make you too self-conscious. A man should look like a man. I mean, look at Zach Effron and his girlfriend, what's her name. She has to get TOTALLY dolled up, just to come close to looking good enough to stand next to him, and most times, he STILL looks prettier than her! It's just never a good idea.
1.It's always ok to say, "no". Always trust your instincts. Never do anything you don't want to do because, well,... "he DID pay for dinner". You don't "owe" anybody anything, and if you ever feel uncomfortable or forced into a situation, call your mother--she has a shotgun ready for use at any moment, and isn't afraid to open up a can of whoop-ass on anybody messing with her kids (I blame the Latina blood). It may even be a good idea to work that tidbit of information into the conversation early on, that way, there will probably be no awkward situation later.
